Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
