I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
