I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
