Cold hands, warm shart.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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