How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
