WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
