he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
