Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
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