Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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