member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Vodka?
Forever.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
