Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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