im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
