Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
