I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
