help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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