Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
