Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
