mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My cat gives me a boner
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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