In America we eat man semen.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
being pregnant is like rehab
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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