Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
