I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just pee around me
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
