nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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