Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
nutella sex= disaster
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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