His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
