Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
