so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
