he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize