My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
