We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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