I wish I could punch you in the face.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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