i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
just found out that she named her cat after me.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
