I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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