Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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