She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
