I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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