Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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