Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
