xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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