I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
