Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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