You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
