I am in a vortex of obligation.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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