Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
