He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
