We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
