Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
