I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
