I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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