I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
