have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
40s are totally the cure
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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