Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
