I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
