new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
