on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
