If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
